Cookie, est. 1994

I was never a cook in the Navy….. I don’t have a fondness for desserts, either. And, I’m not the heir to that gigantic cookie empire. I got the name “Cookie” thanks to the ignorance of a straight guy stationed with me in San Diego when I was on board the USS Duluth (LPD 6). It took me a minute to get used to it, but I have embraced it and could not imagine not having that as the name most know me as.

Words are funny, we can give them power when they don’t deserve it and we can let them overwhelm us so easily. I was on the verge of letting this guy ruin me with name calling….it’s just a word, but at the time, I didn’t get it. My momma taught me not to let anyone control me (well, except her….LOL) especially with words. She taught me better than that, and I know better than that.

I have always had the best confidence. Even growing up, I always had a great sense of self and the support of my family to lift me up and make me know my worth. I knew that I was weird as a kid and I recognized it more as a young teen that I was REALLY weird. By 1994, I was well on my way to discovering my sexuality and felt pretty comfortable with the man I was becoming. I was 20 years old and about to turn 21 while in San Diego….I was really discovering my sexuality!

A very good friend of mine on my boat, Isaac, had heard one of his shipmates referring to me as “Ms. Cookie”. He would mock the way walked and talked making everyone laugh. When Isaac told me this, my first reaction was I’m going to kick his ass! I was so upset and I was also very scared because of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. The anger changed to fear. But, whatever, I was not going to let this simple minded, red neck control me with a word. He was a bully and I don’t get bullied, my momma didn’t raise a punk, For Real! I called my mom and she could tell something was wrong, she always could and as much as I hate to admit it, still does know when something is bothering me. She knows her baby very well. She told me it’s just a word and don’t let it bother me.

Now, here’s just how creative and fierce we gay people can be. Isaac and his boo at the time, Maurice had come up with this action hero named “Cookie”. “Cookie” could shoot exploding chocolate chips from her wristbands…..with a shake of her ample ass, she could launch exploding chocolate chip cookies from her hips….I LOVED IT!! So, our ships pulled into the Philippines and in an effort to commemorate this alter ego that had just been created, we all got tattooed. The tattoo that I decided on needed to be one that I could totally embrace. It had to give me power and represent this time in my life in such a way that when I told the story of the tattoo it would inspire someone. The tattoo……the Tazmanian Devil, holding a baseball bat in one hand…..and a cookie in the other! Underneath the Taz…the word “COOKIELICIOUS”!!

You see, I was able, no matter how difficult, to turn that negative into a positive. I refused to allow myself to be defined by someone else, so I took his word and turned into a personality, into a mantra. The things we all go through are meant to happen to teach us and it’s up to us to take away from it those things that will make us better people. If that had not happened…..I’d still be be Joseph Torez Fields, still fabulous, wonderful, spiritual, sassy and smart. I was named after my grand daddy, Joseph Judge Newton….that’s a great name to have and I love it. However, I could not imagine not being Cookie. The name fits me like a glove. Hell, I'm not sure if I fit the name or the name fits who I am.....whatever the case may be,


I AM COOKIE……FOR REAL!