The Love Letter

Dear, Excuses

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and doing well. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it’s something that needs to happen and, quite frankly, it’s been a long time in the making. I will tell you that I have loved for as long as I can remember. Our journey together has been so amazing and I will forever cherish every step we’ve taken together. But, with the good, comes the bad and I’m tired….I’ve taken all I can and I need to move on.

Trust me, this is not easy. In the beginning, you were so full of confidence and optimism and over the last few years, that confidence has faded and cynicism has become the norm. Oh, I occasionally catch a glimpse of that spirit that soars on wings that catch the wind and sends you to places of peace, but it’s not nearly as consistent as it used to be and I miss the man you were. You used to put me first in EVERYTHING. You would love me without condition and now I barely see any affection from you at all. You started putting others before me, inviting other people into our bed and it only made me feel worthless and emptier. The only consistent thing from you were the excuses to make a change and do better and it never lasted. When I would say something to you about it, you would just look at me with those eyes…..flashing that smile…..

You always focused on what YOU wanted and you never asked me what I thought would be best for the both of us. You never took the time to consider that I would be ok with some of those shenanigans as long as you still made time for us. Well, I’m done waiting for you to come around.

I want control of my future back….a future that does not include you. I need to focus on me…for the last time…..again. You can sit there and laugh at me all you want thinking that you’ve heard this all before and you’re right, you have. But, what makes this time different from the rest is that I can see no future in what we are doing. I’m ok with our past, but I need to consider our future and MY future does not include you.

I can’t talk about the consistently bad behaviors that you exhibit without acknowledging the fact that I kept coming back and allowing you to do this shit. At some point, I have to let you go. It pisses me off more and more every single time I think about it which has been a lot lately and I’m tired of being pissed off…I’m tired of the excuses……and I’m tired of being tired.

Here’s what I want from you…..NOTHING. Which is what you have given to me over the last few years and, once again, I’m tired.
Here’s what a want from me…..EVERYTHING. A relationship that is based on loving me first, feeding more than my face, but feeding my mind, spirit and soul. It seems that when I would break away from you long enough to get things going, you would find a way to come right back in, I’m tired.

For me, the timing couldn’t be better because there is someone else that I love more than you. And, the funny thing is that he was there in front of my eye the entire time. He was always encouraging me to leave you for him, but I just could not let you go. However, you are about to be a distant memory. I will admit that it’s not going to be easy, I have gotten so use to your mistreatment, I am not sure I will know how to accept anything else, but I’m going to try because anything is better than you.

So, to quote Angela Bassett in “Waiting to Exhale”……Get yo shit….Get yo shit…..and GET out!


Yours Truly

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