I have been gone from this for so long.....I will catch up on things a little later. What I have to say right now is very needed for a multitude of reasons. Mainly, I need it for me. On the surface, this holiday season has seemed like any other that I have had over the last several years. I have maintained my smile and my spirits have been as lifted as ever.....but, I have to admit that I have thought about what my last several Christmas's have been. He and I would decorate our home as if Santa himself walked in and directed us in the effort. There was nothing more spectacular than the Christmas Village he would construct beneath our Family Tree. You know, we had to have 2 trees.....a Family Tree which consisted of our childhood ornaments and things we collected over the years. The other tree was the Gay Tree. He insisted that it was intended for me to make my own, but I really know he just hoped it would keep me busy while he constructed that village. I did not mind.....he always did such an amazing job.
This year......is a little different. There is no village......there is simply that Gay Tree.....and I have to tell you, she has never shined as brightly in my eyes as she does right now. Before....that village, with its train driving the dogs crazy, is not bustling with the love and togetherness that was there from the first day of construction. Like the economy, all new construction has had to come to a halt.
But, as much as I may miss what used to be.....my mind drifts to far more significant things. I am so blessed to have my girl Cleo with me. She IS, without question, the single most important thing in my life. I thank God for her on a daily basis. My mother....., who continues to show me the power of true unconditional love, will have my back until time stops. My aunt, Shoonky, I am so extremely proud to have her in my life and she shows me on a regular basis how being a good and genuine person will always pay off in the end. My best friend, Todd......I don't think that he really understands just how significant his existence has been in my life. No matter what, he is there for me when I can't find anyone else....no judgments....just pure love....just how God intended it. Of course, there are so many others, but the gist of what I am trying to get at is that even though the life I thought I could never live without is over....I have managed to live without it. Imagine that.
The village is gone.....taken away like the waters of Katrina....all over again. But, let it been known......the area is being surveyed.....there is some prime real estate here. I had to figure that out....and I am.
So, on this Christmas Eve/Morning......I will say thank you to God for bringing us this far.
To my friend, Guy Bulltail.....one year ago today, we said good bye to you forever. You drifted away from this life as peaceful as anyone could have hoped for. So, as I sit here and write this....with the tears flowing from my face and feeling a tab bit sorry for myself....I have to remember you, my friend. Thank you for still making a difference in my life, even in your death.
So....I will end with this; Change is not always bad....it can be difficult....not not always bad. I am learning that more and more every day.
Merry Christmas to you all and I love you....For Real.
