No Idea

I could get lost in your brown eyes easily…..and finding the way out would be the last thing on my mind. There is a really sweet soul there that I want to know more about. Your smile, your laugh…..it brought comfort to me that I didn’t realize I had missed for a while. The best afternoon I have spent in ages could only get better with a kiss. Simple and sweet….with a hint of passion.

I’m sure you have no idea.

The inflections in your face, as you focus so intently on the task at hand, makes me want to lean over and kiss your forehead.

I’m sure you have no idea.

I want to touch your face and feel the softness of your beard against my cheek. My lips would find a home at the curve of your neck. As I pull you tightly against my body, my ears listen for the exhausted sigh of comfort as you sink into my arms.

And I’m sure you have no idea…..

This Type Love

I'm hoping that I may find a guy who calls me handsome instead of hot. Who will lie under the stars and fall asleep listening to my heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch me sleep and dream of him. I'm going to wait for the man who kisses my forehead and is not afraid to show me off to the world....even when I may not be looking my best. I want a man who will hold my hand in front of his friends and be proud of our accomplished love. A man who is constantly reminding me of how much he cares and loves me and just how lucky he is to have me in his life. The man who will turn to his friends and say, "That's the One" and not be afraid to receive that kind of love from me. I want to find a man that makes me want to do all of those things for him.

I have spent so much time narrowing down everything that I might want in a man that I seem to have forgotten, at some point, to consider what kind of man I don’t want. As much as I’d like to think it’s as simple as just saying that I want someone that treats me the way I want to be treated, there’s so much more than that to be considered. Sometimes, it’s not enough.

The kind of man that I don’t want is the one that confines me. Disabling my spirit to fly and caging the very thing that I am sure drew them into my world to begin with. It’s funny how we all seem to want “that guy” and when we have him, we tend to do everything we can to try and make them over…..to mold them into the person that we want them to be. Meanwhile, we are taking away from them the ability to evolve in the relationship. Why waste the time with a love that you are just going to try and make over? Finding the right guy should be much like finding a new house….. A guy that is “move in ready”, meaning, he does not need to be remodeled, redone or molded into the ideal person that we want them to be. And, in return, he is ready to live in “my house” as is. Let’s channel all of that energy we are wasting trying to change him and put the effort into decorating each other and make being together comfortable and effortless. Don’t come in knocking down walls and building new spaces that there never meant to be there to begin with.

I had a love once. A love that I thought would last forever. And, although God had a different plan, I am blessed to have gotten a glimpse of what love can look like. Sometimes I worry that I am not going to find the love that I want….or deserve….or desire. The idea that I will not have that “happily ever after” creeps its way into my thoughts from time to time, but I refuse to let it consume me. I am not looking for love, but I dream of love finding me one day and holding me captive in the possibility of forever again. I want to be caught up in loves grasp.

I pray that love, real love, will one day cover me in all its splendor and warm my soul, for real.