On Day 1, we had a huge send off at Qwest Field. All the pomp and circumstance you could imagine; there was music playing, dancing and HIGH energy. On Day 2…….everyone woke up gradually and just started walking. I remember thinking “when does the band arrive?” LOL. No band….no DJ….just us and the will to complete what we started 20 miles ago. The Walk was September 16, 17 and 18. Some hot summer days, however, it was cold in the morning! One of the “outfits” that I brought with me consisted of a pink T-shirt the Purr “Kittie” logo on it. I had also asked people that donated to my goal to give me a name of someone they knew that had suffered with breast cancer. I wrote all of their names on this T-shirt and made a promise to those people that I would carry them with me on my walk. But, we got showered, grabbed breakfast and started on our way.
I don’t want anyone to be fooled; The Walk is hard on your body and your feet in particular. 60 miles is a long way to walk. But, we were all very determined no more so than Barbie who said from the beginning of Day 2 “I’m not riding that Fucking van again”. I could tell that come hell or high water, Barbie was going to walk her cut butt right into that camp tonight and the team was going to make sure that she did. As we walked throughout the day, we all laughed at the crazy costumes. I began to specifically notice people. Because we were walking at our own pace, we could leave camp whenever we wanted; the crowd was a lot thinner. I loved the costumes, but one lady in particular, who will eventually become a sister of mine at closing, was wearing a cute and crazy outfit; a pink tutu with LOTS of flair and a long, pink foam tube shaped like a pink ribbon hanging over her back side. How can anyone get up and put all that on and start walking again this early? That was Tori……and she showed me how it’s done. However, Tori was not the only one; there were soooo many fun and creative costumes out there and I for one really appreciated seeing them because sometime, that is all that I had to help me continue walking. I’d see some pink bumble bee strutting by with a smile on her face and it made me smile. I never got her name, but I will never forget.
The team was still very aware of Barbie’s sore heals and would checked on her from time to time, but Miss Thing was good to go. She was getting her walk on. Now, I am not sure what was going on in B’s mind as she walked on Day 2, however, if I were a betting man, I’d bet she was thinking about how she had beat cancer once and she was going to show it, yet again, the she will not go out like a chump. She had something to prove to herself and to cancer. It was our job to make sure she accomplished what she wanted to. Brandon, Ryan and I were there just to support her. Personally, I was going to make sure that I walked 60 miles for Barbie and everyone else that has been touched by this disease. That T-shirt full of names was giving me the strength I needed. One of the funny comments that B made was about all the hills on the course. I’m not sure what the SGK folks were thinking, but when they made that course, they made sure we hit every hill in Bellevue! LOL……at least it felt that way.
And……we……walked…..and walked…..and walked some more.
So, we are still walking. And our pace has slowed up a bit, B was feeling the pain, but as long as we did not go too fast, she was good to go. Sporadically, she would get these tremendous boosts of energy and take off walking like her life depended on it. And, at one point, her life did. Cancer had taken a toll on this lady’s life and body, but her soul and character had never been better. If anything, she had evolved into a super-human like entity that viewed things in life with a different set of eyes. Most people work hard to find a way to reinvent themselves, I know I do. But this is different, I’m sure and shared by only a select few that are unluckily-lucky enough to through a diagnosis and survive as Barbie and way too many others had. There was strength in her that I don’t even think she knew she had…..but she did, and she was about to show us all what she was truly made of.
At one point, we were walking through this really cut neighborhood in Bellevue or Redmond and we had been listening to a little iPod docking station that Ryan had brought with him. We started listening to it around the Microsoft Campus….not sure why I remember that, but I do. Anyway, the music selection was great and really helped to pass the time away, after all, all we are doing is walking. So, while in this cute little neighborhood, I suggested that we let me play something from my iPod. Of course, they all started joking with me about Fantasia….LOL! So, as my play list started, the songs were great, and then some hip-hop came on……still alright. Then, the language started getting a little edgy, however no one said anything. Until……..Barbie was walking in front of me and one of the song’s lyrics was N-word and I saw Barbie’s shoulders tighten up, girlfriend does not like that word and doesn’t care if it’s in a song. I did giggle just a bit, but decided to change the music; I had put them through enough of it already! LOL
As we continued to do the only thing we could do……..walk, we noticed that as we arrived at each Pit Stop, we were barely making it before the Pit Stop closed. That let us know we were towards the end of the pack and those Sweeper Vans were circling us like birds of prey, ready to lift us and take us home. NO! We came here to walk and walk we did. Now, I know we walked 60 miles that weekend and I can recall them all pretty good, but it’s this last 5 miles or so that will define me as person and solidify the strength of friendship and love that we all shared during this walk.
By about 15 miles into the day, we were all pretty done. My feet hurt a little, but it was my knee that was giving me the biggest issue. I popped me a few Advil and kept it moving. Ryan and Brandon had walked ahead while Barbie and I took our time. You see, she was not taking a ride….I pretty much begged her…..but after the last time I asked, the look in her face said “Cookie, I love you, but if you ask me that one more time, I’m gonna put my foot up your cookie bowl!”. LOL! She was bound and determined to walk it and I was just as determined to make sure she did.
One of the event staff, this really tall slender guy, started showing up on a bicycle a lot. He would ride along side of us and talk with us, making sure we were alright. He was sooooo sweet to us. His job was to sweep the route to check for the last walkers and report back to camp their whereabouts. He was really good at his job. His name was Nick (I think). He works the event all across the country and so does his wife. As a side note, the men that participated in this event were awesome! They were there for the same reason as the rest of us and it was. Some of them had watched their mothers, wives, sisters and friends battle breast cancer and survive and some were there in memory of. I can’t tell you enough how much love was in the air over this weekend, God was all over the place. So, Nick has now gotten off of his bike and is walking with Barbie and me. Again, Barbie tells Nick that she is not going to take a ride and I am not going to camp without her….so we are walking. And, he walked with us. Nick became part of the team because we all talked like we were old friends. We had asked him how far we had to go and he said it was about 2 miles…..but he said that 3 miles ago! LOL……it took all the strength we had to laugh at that. But, to the right of us we could see the top of the big white tent that housed the dining area. We really were close!!
We had reached the crossing guards that had made sure that all of the walkers were safe at the various street crossings throughout the walk. They had all gathered at the entrance of Marymoor Park to cheer us on and I am glad they did, that gave us that last bit of a push to get closers.
There’s a lady with a drum.
Then……..we see the entrance to the camp! As we get closer there is a rush inside of me that is just about overwhelming. As we enter the camp and get our credentials, we are home…..we are the last walkers and WE MADE IT!! We were not done yet. If you remember, the night before they had announced that the last walkers have made it to camp…..well they announced it again and this time, it was me and Barbie. The other walkers and volunteers came from everywhere to cheer us on. They handed me and Barbie the flag to hoist as she and I inched out way to that flagpole. I had held myself together so far, but I looked over at B and saw strength I had never witnessed and determination I hope to experience at least once in my life and I began to sob. People, one by one, came out and hug us and we sobbed. We made eye contact with Brandon and Ryan……they came to us and hug us and we sobbed.
And Barbie hoisted that flag!
The night came to a close with dinner and a dance party. Me and Brandon stayed up for a bit and socialized with a few of the other walkers. Ryan had gone to bed. Barbie said good night to us and we watched her walking through the grass to our tents and as she did that, I thought to myself “Thank you, God, for carrying us those last 5 miles”.
Barbie has a tattoo that says “I just want to live while I’m alive…..it’s my life” On that day…..she lived and was truly alive. Bring on Day 3!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The 3-Day: Day 1
The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day was a titanic task that I, Barbie, Brandon and Ryan were taking on. The weeks leading up to the Walk, we had fundraisers, we asked people for money, we prayed….I think I was more nervous about raising the $2,300 that was required to actually walk. Needless to say, we were determined to make our goals and we did.
The morning of the first day started off pretty good. My good friend Maty kept Cleo for me. I took her over to his place the night before. She and Dago Bear did there thing and I felt confident that she was in great hands. Now….I was going to be walking 20 miles a day for 3 days….not going on a vacation….but my gay ass was trying to make sure my outfits were coordinated, I even packed cologne….FOR REAL? Had I already forgotten that all that did not matter? This walk was about to remind me once again, that it’s not really all that important what the shell of you looks like, it’s about what you are made of at the core of yourself.
The team had decided to meet over at the De la Rosa house at 5:00am and head down to Qwest Field together. I had stopped at Purr to pick up our buddy, Rock, who was decked out in his pink Nikes, pink knee high socks, white basketball shorts and pink tank. He was adorable! When we arrived at the house, everyone was getting the final packing done. Jason D was cooking up some breakfast for us and that house felt like a home. Will A and Rock helped us get our stuff and 7 of us packed into an SUV with all of our baggage and equipment for the weekend. I don’t think that it had registered just yet what we were about to do. I think we knew that no matter what, we had each other and we were going to make it.
The energy at Qwest Field was OFF THE HOOK!!! From the moment arrived, the love that I felt from my fellow walkers, the volunteers and the supporters was just about overwhelming. We were all pretty pumped as they corralled us into the staging area. At one of our pre-walk meetings we attended with Barbie, I and the boys spoke about how much B means to us and the SGK folks were so moved, they asked Barbie to join the Survivor’s Circle and carry the Survivor Flag in the opening and closing ceremonies. As we are waiting for the opening ceremony to begin, I start to remember. Two years ago, I stood with Julie, Katrina, Ashley and Tara to take this journey with Julie. I started to recall how moving it was to hear the stories of loss and how triumphant it felt to hear the stories of survival. And, as Barbie marched into that circle holding the Survivor flag, I could not help but think that she, along with those other women, were about to lead us into battle against cancer…….I started to cry.
As the MC wrapped up her moving and motivating speech, if there had been any doubt in my mind about this, those doubts had now vanished. The ladies in the survivor circle started leading us out……….CHARRRRRGE!!!!!! We are on our way. We are about to walk all over cancer’s ass!
Now…..truth be told…..all we did was walk…..all….day…..long! LOL
But, we had so much fun! Throughout the day, there were moments that we all laughed and joked and walked side-by-side. But, there were also those moments that required some peace of mind; some time to look inside and do a gut check and to make sure that we were listening to our bodies. There were plenty of opportunities during the walk to stop and refill water, grab snacks or just rest. Those Rest Stops became so very important to us. The volunteers were our saviors. They greeted us at each Rest Stop with smiles, encouraging words and refreshments. This walk was both mental and physical. It was up to me to take each step to accomplish this feat. However, those volunteers were just as essential to helping us mentally to continue.
At just about mile 11 on that first day we were in Bellevue having lunch at the park by Bellevue Square. Barbie had started to get this sharp pain in her heals, but we changed our socks and got and ready to go. We were having so much fun…..we were tired as hell….but we still laughed a lot and really enjoyed being together. We all helped to lift each other up when we needed it. I had suggested to Barbie that she take one of the Sweeper Vans they provide for walkers that have injuries or just need t rest from walking. The Sweeper Vans would take us back to our campsite or to the next rest area. Barbie did not want to have anything to do with getting a ride. However, after much pushing from the team, at mile 13, Barbie caught a ride on from the van. We all encouraged her that by doing this, she will be in better shape for tomorrow. Overdoing it on day one is not a good thing and Brandon went with her to show his support and love.
Watching Barbie and Brandon leave lit a fire under me and Ryan and got our walk ON!
And…..we walked…..and talked…….and walked some more.
The idea of the walk is to walk 20 miles, camp out in tents, then get up and do it again the next day. SGK had provided us with pretty pink tents and our campsite was Marymoor Park in Redmond. We had walked over the I-90 Bridge, through Bellevue and Redmond. When Ryan and I arrived at the campsite, all we wanted to do was shower, eat and rest. And that is what we all did. The energy at the camp was very high! I had become familiar with a few of the other walkers as we all would encourage each other along the way. Walking through camp felt like a family reunion of sorts. There were way more women there then men and the only time it really mattered was during shower time! There was no waiting for showers for us men and that was awesome….however, some of those ladies did not give a DAMN! They were tired and wanted to rest and they did not care who was in the shower stall next to them….and I didn’t either!
At the end of the day, the last walker arrived at camp. They announced the last walker’s arrival and just like a big family, we all went out to cheer them on and encourage them those last few steps. They raised the camp flag signaling everyone was home and we could all go to sleep. And sleep we did. Barbie and Ryan shared a tent and Brandon and I shared. It was nice to have my Dove buddy with me and although we both wanted to talk, within minutes we were asleep. After all…..we still have 40 more miles to walk, the warm-up is over.
The morning of the first day started off pretty good. My good friend Maty kept Cleo for me. I took her over to his place the night before. She and Dago Bear did there thing and I felt confident that she was in great hands. Now….I was going to be walking 20 miles a day for 3 days….not going on a vacation….but my gay ass was trying to make sure my outfits were coordinated, I even packed cologne….FOR REAL? Had I already forgotten that all that did not matter? This walk was about to remind me once again, that it’s not really all that important what the shell of you looks like, it’s about what you are made of at the core of yourself.
The team had decided to meet over at the De la Rosa house at 5:00am and head down to Qwest Field together. I had stopped at Purr to pick up our buddy, Rock, who was decked out in his pink Nikes, pink knee high socks, white basketball shorts and pink tank. He was adorable! When we arrived at the house, everyone was getting the final packing done. Jason D was cooking up some breakfast for us and that house felt like a home. Will A and Rock helped us get our stuff and 7 of us packed into an SUV with all of our baggage and equipment for the weekend. I don’t think that it had registered just yet what we were about to do. I think we knew that no matter what, we had each other and we were going to make it.
The energy at Qwest Field was OFF THE HOOK!!! From the moment arrived, the love that I felt from my fellow walkers, the volunteers and the supporters was just about overwhelming. We were all pretty pumped as they corralled us into the staging area. At one of our pre-walk meetings we attended with Barbie, I and the boys spoke about how much B means to us and the SGK folks were so moved, they asked Barbie to join the Survivor’s Circle and carry the Survivor Flag in the opening and closing ceremonies. As we are waiting for the opening ceremony to begin, I start to remember. Two years ago, I stood with Julie, Katrina, Ashley and Tara to take this journey with Julie. I started to recall how moving it was to hear the stories of loss and how triumphant it felt to hear the stories of survival. And, as Barbie marched into that circle holding the Survivor flag, I could not help but think that she, along with those other women, were about to lead us into battle against cancer…….I started to cry.
As the MC wrapped up her moving and motivating speech, if there had been any doubt in my mind about this, those doubts had now vanished. The ladies in the survivor circle started leading us out……….CHARRRRRGE!!!!!! We are on our way. We are about to walk all over cancer’s ass!
Now…..truth be told…..all we did was walk…..all….day…..long! LOL
But, we had so much fun! Throughout the day, there were moments that we all laughed and joked and walked side-by-side. But, there were also those moments that required some peace of mind; some time to look inside and do a gut check and to make sure that we were listening to our bodies. There were plenty of opportunities during the walk to stop and refill water, grab snacks or just rest. Those Rest Stops became so very important to us. The volunteers were our saviors. They greeted us at each Rest Stop with smiles, encouraging words and refreshments. This walk was both mental and physical. It was up to me to take each step to accomplish this feat. However, those volunteers were just as essential to helping us mentally to continue.
At just about mile 11 on that first day we were in Bellevue having lunch at the park by Bellevue Square. Barbie had started to get this sharp pain in her heals, but we changed our socks and got and ready to go. We were having so much fun…..we were tired as hell….but we still laughed a lot and really enjoyed being together. We all helped to lift each other up when we needed it. I had suggested to Barbie that she take one of the Sweeper Vans they provide for walkers that have injuries or just need t rest from walking. The Sweeper Vans would take us back to our campsite or to the next rest area. Barbie did not want to have anything to do with getting a ride. However, after much pushing from the team, at mile 13, Barbie caught a ride on from the van. We all encouraged her that by doing this, she will be in better shape for tomorrow. Overdoing it on day one is not a good thing and Brandon went with her to show his support and love.
Watching Barbie and Brandon leave lit a fire under me and Ryan and got our walk ON!
And…..we walked…..and talked…….and walked some more.
The idea of the walk is to walk 20 miles, camp out in tents, then get up and do it again the next day. SGK had provided us with pretty pink tents and our campsite was Marymoor Park in Redmond. We had walked over the I-90 Bridge, through Bellevue and Redmond. When Ryan and I arrived at the campsite, all we wanted to do was shower, eat and rest. And that is what we all did. The energy at the camp was very high! I had become familiar with a few of the other walkers as we all would encourage each other along the way. Walking through camp felt like a family reunion of sorts. There were way more women there then men and the only time it really mattered was during shower time! There was no waiting for showers for us men and that was awesome….however, some of those ladies did not give a DAMN! They were tired and wanted to rest and they did not care who was in the shower stall next to them….and I didn’t either!
At the end of the day, the last walker arrived at camp. They announced the last walker’s arrival and just like a big family, we all went out to cheer them on and encourage them those last few steps. They raised the camp flag signaling everyone was home and we could all go to sleep. And sleep we did. Barbie and Ryan shared a tent and Brandon and I shared. It was nice to have my Dove buddy with me and although we both wanted to talk, within minutes we were asleep. After all…..we still have 40 more miles to walk, the warm-up is over.
Monday, December 26, 2011
3 Days......For The Rest of My Life: The Begining
I am a Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk for the Cure walker and I will be for the rest of my life. I have never participated in a fundraising event that gave to me way more than the money I was able to raise for the cause. I am a better person for having done it. I witnessed some amazing examples of humanity, love and strength and that made me want to be a better person. I met some pretty awesome women and men and for 3 days, gender did not matter and race was unimportant. The only color we saw was Pink and the cause was defeating cancer. We were going to do it, one step at a time.
My 3-Day journey started long before I took my first step. A very good friend of mine that plays softball, Julie Mcknight, is a breast cancer survivor…..the first one I have ever known, at least I thought. Julie is pretty much a joy to know. When you meet her, you know that you are in the presence of a truly blessed soul. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer long before I ever met her and the person she is today may be the result of her re-evaluation of things since her diagnoses and survival. Whatever the case, she is awesome. It’s impossible to be around her and not want to hug her…..or have a conversation with her, no matter how brief. When she talks to you, she makes you feel like you are the most important person in the room. I love that about her.
In 2009, Julie invited me to join her team to walk in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day and I was not sure I could do it……she assured me that I could and I did. That walk lit a fire in my soul that made me promise to stay as involved as I can in the fight against breast cancer. Thank you, Julie.
In 2010, my very close friend, Barbie Humphrey, was diagnosed with breast cancer. For Real? Breast cancer has struck close to home, yet again, and I just can’t believe it. In Barbie’s case, cancer came with a vengeance. It was almost like cancer had a personal vendetta with Barbie…..a score to settle, as if it has to meet a quota and needed to add Barbie’s name to the ever growing list of victims. The most radical of procedures were needed to save her life and today, she’s a survivor. I was so inspired by her strength that I wanted to start a team of walkers to show our support of the lady we loved so much.
The team consisted of me, Barbie, Ryan and Brandon. We were already pretty close, this walk was going to test us and pull us together as individuals and as friends. I have known each of them for several years, but it was only over the last couple of years that I have really felt like I have gotten to see what they are really made of and it made taking this journey with them all the better. Ryan, who is funny with, in my opinion, a child like naiveté’ that is refreshing to be around, was very quick to say yes at the chance to walk 60 miles for our friend…..hell, Ryan would walk 60, 000 miles if it meant that someone would not have to suffer through what Barbie did.
Brandon…..my little Dove……was just a quick to say yes. It made so much sense for him to be there with us, not just because he loves Barbie as much as the rest of us……Brandon is one of those people that are good to the core of their being. All people are inherently good; Brandon takes that goodness to another level. He doesn’t do anything out of the ordinary to show he’s a good person, but his heart and soul radiate so much love, it’s addictive.
Then, of course, there’s Barbie. I spoke about here in a previous post so I will just say this about her; up until she was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was clear that she was a woman that cared about her friends and family and would give anything to make sure that they were all taken care of. Her diagnoses did not hurt her one bit; in fact, it brought out the best in a woman I didn’t think could get much better. This cancer was getting ready to tear her apart and all she cared about was her employees, friends and family. It was time for us to take care of her.
After “B” was better and she was now officially cancer free, it was time to kick cancers ass again and say “NO, I will not go silently into the night…”
My 3-Day journey started long before I took my first step. A very good friend of mine that plays softball, Julie Mcknight, is a breast cancer survivor…..the first one I have ever known, at least I thought. Julie is pretty much a joy to know. When you meet her, you know that you are in the presence of a truly blessed soul. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer long before I ever met her and the person she is today may be the result of her re-evaluation of things since her diagnoses and survival. Whatever the case, she is awesome. It’s impossible to be around her and not want to hug her…..or have a conversation with her, no matter how brief. When she talks to you, she makes you feel like you are the most important person in the room. I love that about her.
In 2009, Julie invited me to join her team to walk in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day and I was not sure I could do it……she assured me that I could and I did. That walk lit a fire in my soul that made me promise to stay as involved as I can in the fight against breast cancer. Thank you, Julie.
In 2010, my very close friend, Barbie Humphrey, was diagnosed with breast cancer. For Real? Breast cancer has struck close to home, yet again, and I just can’t believe it. In Barbie’s case, cancer came with a vengeance. It was almost like cancer had a personal vendetta with Barbie…..a score to settle, as if it has to meet a quota and needed to add Barbie’s name to the ever growing list of victims. The most radical of procedures were needed to save her life and today, she’s a survivor. I was so inspired by her strength that I wanted to start a team of walkers to show our support of the lady we loved so much.
The team consisted of me, Barbie, Ryan and Brandon. We were already pretty close, this walk was going to test us and pull us together as individuals and as friends. I have known each of them for several years, but it was only over the last couple of years that I have really felt like I have gotten to see what they are really made of and it made taking this journey with them all the better. Ryan, who is funny with, in my opinion, a child like naiveté’ that is refreshing to be around, was very quick to say yes at the chance to walk 60 miles for our friend…..hell, Ryan would walk 60, 000 miles if it meant that someone would not have to suffer through what Barbie did.
Brandon…..my little Dove……was just a quick to say yes. It made so much sense for him to be there with us, not just because he loves Barbie as much as the rest of us……Brandon is one of those people that are good to the core of their being. All people are inherently good; Brandon takes that goodness to another level. He doesn’t do anything out of the ordinary to show he’s a good person, but his heart and soul radiate so much love, it’s addictive.
Then, of course, there’s Barbie. I spoke about here in a previous post so I will just say this about her; up until she was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was clear that she was a woman that cared about her friends and family and would give anything to make sure that they were all taken care of. Her diagnoses did not hurt her one bit; in fact, it brought out the best in a woman I didn’t think could get much better. This cancer was getting ready to tear her apart and all she cared about was her employees, friends and family. It was time for us to take care of her.
After “B” was better and she was now officially cancer free, it was time to kick cancers ass again and say “NO, I will not go silently into the night…”
Thursday, December 22, 2011
My Life.....Act II
I am ready to get this blog back going again. I have missed being here and sharing my thoughts with those that care to read them. It is been just under a year since my last post. So much has happened in this year. I will have to back track later, but I wanted write this particular post in response to the longing in my heart to be honest about what my feelings are with regard to needing someone to love me. Anyone who knows me knows that Cleo has played a huge part in my life, especially over the last year and a half. I went through very painful and necessary break up, but as I have healed from that, I have discovered that I have been lying to myself about what I want and how badly I need and want someone to hold me and be there for me…..in a way that Cleo and none of the wonderful friends I have can be.
I am sure that no one would disagree with me when I say that we all want and maybe even need someone to add passion and intimacy to our lives. Meeting men in the very obvious places is so easy and often times have cured the lonely feelings that I tend to have some time. Well, maybe “cured” is the wrong word. They have allowed me to help stop the bleeding. I’m a little tired of it.
Dating has been somewhat easy for me…….I love meeting people…..but I also am guilty of giving people the benefit of the doubt and that’s where the difficulty of dating comes in. Everyone is not what they say they are and I have a hard time allowing myself to recognize the red flags that come up. But, I have always said that people are inherently good and I just refuse to not believe that. I have to make sure that I am the most important person in the equation when we are getting to know each other and I have to follow my gut. I hear people talking about that “gut feeling” and say “you should always follow your gut instinct”.
But as sure as I say that……my gut is telling me that I have met someone that fits the bill. My gut is telling me that I should allow myself to go through this and, no matter what the outcome is, I will be a happy that I did. I have not had this feeling for a long time and it’s scary, exciting, passionate, intimate, confusing, fun……I love it! Love……what it is really? I don’t think it can be defined the same for everyone. I know what’s important to me and I know what I am willing to give to someone. Is it too fast when you know these things? Is it too fast when you are not afraid to lose yourself in the moment and you hope that heaven feels as good as the kiss he gave you this morning……Is it too fast when you both find comfort in the presence of the other……when “doing something” means going nothing at all but you are together so it’s awesome?
Who made the rules? There are people out there that “look” for that gut feeling….they “look” for love and hope to find it in whatever form it may come. I am not “looking” for love, but I am on the “look out” for what feels right. I have been disappointed…..but I keep the thought of love and the possibility of being in love very close to my heart. If I make it to that place called love again, I will enjoy it and allow it to become what it will. For Real!
I am sure that no one would disagree with me when I say that we all want and maybe even need someone to add passion and intimacy to our lives. Meeting men in the very obvious places is so easy and often times have cured the lonely feelings that I tend to have some time. Well, maybe “cured” is the wrong word. They have allowed me to help stop the bleeding. I’m a little tired of it.
Dating has been somewhat easy for me…….I love meeting people…..but I also am guilty of giving people the benefit of the doubt and that’s where the difficulty of dating comes in. Everyone is not what they say they are and I have a hard time allowing myself to recognize the red flags that come up. But, I have always said that people are inherently good and I just refuse to not believe that. I have to make sure that I am the most important person in the equation when we are getting to know each other and I have to follow my gut. I hear people talking about that “gut feeling” and say “you should always follow your gut instinct”.
But as sure as I say that……my gut is telling me that I have met someone that fits the bill. My gut is telling me that I should allow myself to go through this and, no matter what the outcome is, I will be a happy that I did. I have not had this feeling for a long time and it’s scary, exciting, passionate, intimate, confusing, fun……I love it! Love……what it is really? I don’t think it can be defined the same for everyone. I know what’s important to me and I know what I am willing to give to someone. Is it too fast when you know these things? Is it too fast when you are not afraid to lose yourself in the moment and you hope that heaven feels as good as the kiss he gave you this morning……Is it too fast when you both find comfort in the presence of the other……when “doing something” means going nothing at all but you are together so it’s awesome?
Who made the rules? There are people out there that “look” for that gut feeling….they “look” for love and hope to find it in whatever form it may come. I am not “looking” for love, but I am on the “look out” for what feels right. I have been disappointed…..but I keep the thought of love and the possibility of being in love very close to my heart. If I make it to that place called love again, I will enjoy it and allow it to become what it will. For Real!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)