An Unwasted Journey

A man that views the world at 50 the same way he viewed the world at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. – Muhammad Ali

I was sitting on the sofa watching the Bet Awards when I first recalled hearing this quote. Muhammad Ali’s daughter, Layla Ali, was thanking the audience for all of the support that she and her family had received after her father’s passing and remembered this quote as words she has come to live by. Those simple words….an honest observation of one’s own life and the fear of not living it, spoke volumes to me in that moment. And, over the last 2 weeks as I thought about what the last year has been for me, I knew that my philosophy about life and living would be forever altered.

The last year has been different for me and it’s taken me some time over the last few weeks to understand why and what’s been so different. What I have come to understand is that I feel as though I have gained more confidence in myself. Not the outward, selfie photo taking self, but the kind of confidence that can’t be found through the adornment of others or in the number of likes a Facebook status update receives. It’s the kind of confidence that comes with walking firmly in my own shoes and owning me….all of me…..whatever it means. I’m stepping further into my 40’s a little less afraid of what others think and more conscience of myself and how I want to be viewed. To me, there is a difference between caring what people think of you and being aware of who you are. At this point, I’m pretty aware of who I am. I think that my experiences in life have lead me to this very place and although some of my choices may not have always been the best, I own them and wear the consequences as a badge of honor. In other words, my soul remains intact….my spirit is unbroken.

The man I was at 20….For Real! That man, had confidence, but it was a false sense of self that fueled that confidence and ultimately held him back. He was the desperate seeker of outside acknowledgement with a false sense of confidence that lead to bad choices, broken promises and a tainted soul. The saving grace was God’s amazing grace. You see, God specializes in tainted souls and broken spirits. And, as I sit her on the eve of #42, I’m blessed that I understand that there is no testimony without a test and with those tests, I know that I don’t see the world at 42 the way I did at 20. I’ve allowed myself to evolve over time and I have taken the opportunity to simply……breathe….to take it all in. I’m still scared sometimes, but I’m not afraid.

I continue to thank God for His many blessings…..even on the days that I feel that God may not be there for me and things just aren’t going right. In those moments, I thank Him even more. I appreciate the bad times because they don’t really come that often for me so when they do, I know that there is an opportunity to learn and become closer to my faith.

I am thankful for the best softball teammates I could ask for. This year has been a special year for us and personally, it has been one of the best years of playing I’ve had and it’s because of the great men I am honored to play with and learn from. I appreciate and love them all.

I continue to thank God for my mother……anyone that knows me, knows that she is second only to God in my life; Momma….with tears in my eyes and I sit here and write this, know that you are the rock of my life and every year on my birthday, I celebrate YOU because my life up until now would mean nothing without you. I love you. I’m thankful for the rest of my family and friends that all contribute to helping me be the best person I can be.

The older I get and with every experience, I am gaining a greater sense of self and that is what life is all about. You have to celebrate the good, but be equally enthusiastic to learn from the bad…I’m still learning, but the journey has been great…..For Real!