My Life.....Act II

I am ready to get this blog back going again. I have missed being here and sharing my thoughts with those that care to read them. It is been just under a year since my last post. So much has happened in this year. I will have to back track later, but I wanted write this particular post in response to the longing in my heart to be honest about what my feelings are with regard to needing someone to love me. Anyone who knows me knows that Cleo has played a huge part in my life, especially over the last year and a half. I went through very painful and necessary break up, but as I have healed from that, I have discovered that I have been lying to myself about what I want and how badly I need and want someone to hold me and be there for me…..in a way that Cleo and none of the wonderful friends I have can be.

I am sure that no one would disagree with me when I say that we all want and maybe even need someone to add passion and intimacy to our lives. Meeting men in the very obvious places is so easy and often times have cured the lonely feelings that I tend to have some time. Well, maybe “cured” is the wrong word. They have allowed me to help stop the bleeding. I’m a little tired of it.

Dating has been somewhat easy for me…….I love meeting people…..but I also am guilty of giving people the benefit of the doubt and that’s where the difficulty of dating comes in. Everyone is not what they say they are and I have a hard time allowing myself to recognize the red flags that come up. But, I have always said that people are inherently good and I just refuse to not believe that. I have to make sure that I am the most important person in the equation when we are getting to know each other and I have to follow my gut. I hear people talking about that “gut feeling” and say “you should always follow your gut instinct”.

But as sure as I say that……my gut is telling me that I have met someone that fits the bill. My gut is telling me that I should allow myself to go through this and, no matter what the outcome is, I will be a happy that I did. I have not had this feeling for a long time and it’s scary, exciting, passionate, intimate, confusing, fun……I love it! Love……what it is really? I don’t think it can be defined the same for everyone. I know what’s important to me and I know what I am willing to give to someone. Is it too fast when you know these things? Is it too fast when you are not afraid to lose yourself in the moment and you hope that heaven feels as good as the kiss he gave you this morning……Is it too fast when you both find comfort in the presence of the other……when “doing something” means going nothing at all but you are together so it’s awesome?

Who made the rules? There are people out there that “look” for that gut feeling….they “look” for love and hope to find it in whatever form it may come. I am not “looking” for love, but I am on the “look out” for what feels right. I have been disappointed…..but I keep the thought of love and the possibility of being in love very close to my heart. If I make it to that place called love again, I will enjoy it and allow it to become what it will. For Real!