There is power in self-reflection, I am convinced. The fact that you can take a moment and look at how far you have come is an amazing learning opportunity. You can measure the growth that has come with every scar earned when the battle was just heavy enough to ALMOST take you out; there is healing in every tear shed when the battle was too much for you on that day and retreating into yourself was the only way to save up to fight another day. The blessing for me is that, as I look around, the darkest days I’ve seen have been better than someone else’s best day and I am so happy and encouraged as a human that I can acknowledge from where my blessings come.
The journey that I have been on in the recent months is proof to me that every aspect of life can truly be in a place of complete and utter bliss without the misunderstandings of “perfection”. Life is not perfect….ever….and as good as any one day can be, there is always the desire for more. The desire to have something else that will make your life better…not perfect. If work and love are the best they have ever been, finances may not be; your money is great and you love going to work every day, but Cupid has skipped over your heart once again or you wish your lover did or said something better. I’m so used to job, money, and love always being out of sync that I’m not sure how to act when all three things line up….and here’s where I find myself missing out every single time. I begin to worry about what happens when they don’t work again and I start trying to manufacture ways to keep things good at the cost of authentic happiness. I seem to always manage to sabotage my own happiness working diligently to make sure I don’t lose. Meanwhile, the bliss that I once had has slipped away from my grasp without me even realizing it. Then, the cycle begins again.
My question is; what is the secret to “living in the moment”? How is it possible to enjoy the blessings today without worrying about what you would do tomorrow if happiness slips away again?
Confused yet? I mean…I want to live today so good that yesterday is jealous it’s over and tomorrow is excited to arrive without fear or disillusion of what’s to come.
I think that as I get older, there are 2 things that continue to grow within me; my faith in God and my confidence and security in who I am as a person. It’s no secret that I lean very heavy upon my faith in God. It has been tested and proven more times than I care to honestly remember so it remains unshakable. I have been down so low that all I had was packets of catsup in my refrigerator to eat and God saw a way for me to make it over. I’ve been without a single penny to my name until payday and still managed to survive. I know that those things have happened to me to help me in some way and I appreciate every struggle. The struggle and survival are what has helped me gain a firm footing in myself and has given me the confidence that no matter what happens, I will always make it over. Is this recent lining up of the stars a reward for enduring the hard times? Perhaps.
But, if that is the case, I am going to take this moment and give myself just a little bit of credit for all of the mountains I have had to climb and all of the currents that I’ve had to swim against ….I have made it this far…..I have conquered so many demons and I have awoken from so many nightmares that I want to enjoy dreaming a peaceful dream; After all “ain’t no need to worry what the night is going to bring……it will be all over in the morning.”
Always giving honor to my God for my mind, body, and soul and I pray for continued clarity as I take the next steps in my journey.
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