Highway To Heaven

When I think of death, and of late the idea has come with alarming frequency, I seem at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in this valley of strange humors. I can accept the idea of my own demise, but I am unable to accept the death of anyone else. I find it impossible to let a friend or relative go into that country of no return.
Disbelief becomes my close companion, and anger follows in its wake.
I answer the heroic question 'Death, where is thy sting? ' with ' it is here in my heart and mind and memories. - Maya Angelou

I struggle a bit with the topic of death simply because I am not sure how I can or would handle losing people that are close to me. But, I ran across the above quote from Maya Angelou that really puts into perspective why I feel the way I do….it kinda gives me justification to feel this way. However, part of the responsibility of living is excepting the idea that at some point, my life will be over and I will expire…..cease to breath……die. However, the other part and most important part responsibility of living is……living. Aaron and Sydi Collins….AC and CoCo did just that. The untimely death of these souls should simply be a footnote in the 40 plus years that they have lived on this earth. We cannot let 40 plus years of two wonderful lives be forgotten as we focus on the day they died.

Until just a few days ago, I have not had to deal with very much death. However, no matter how much I think about it and try to wrap my rational brain around it, the fact is I miss those that leave this world as I am sure that I would be missed. The tears that line our face are there because we won’t have the physical connection with them anymore. We are not going to be able to make more memories or remember WITH them the times that we’ve shared with them. Now, we have to get used to referring to them using words like “used to”….or starting sentences by saying “AC and CoCo would have loved this”.

In Dr. Angelou’s quote, she says that she “seems to be at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in the valley of strange humor.” However, she cannot accept the death of anyone else. I get that. I would much rather leave this world than have to deal with the loss of someone that I love or care deeply for. And, to think that someone that loves me deeply will have to deal with my passing makes me sad…..it is a very depressing circle, For Real!

All that being said, today, I am facing that loss again; my dear, sweet cousin and his wife are gone to glory….riding the Harley to Heaven.

The tears I cry for them are scary for me because the selfish part of me knows that I will never talk to them again or hug them. I live by the creed “if it’s God’s will, let it be done”, but that does not help to ease the pain of losing someone that you have built a lifetime of memories with. You may have known them for 15 years or 15 days, the impact of them passing will still be felt. Dr. Angelou answers the question “Death, where is thy sting?” is very profound to met….the sting is in the memories that we will continue to live with and reflect on because they are gone.

As much as I am feeling this loss, my thought go to their siblings and most importantly to their parents. The natural order of things is that children should burry their parents and not the other way around. I will search for the right words to comfort or console them, but I know that I don’t have the words to share because there are none available that will help them to deal with the pain they are all feeling. I can only embrace them and pretend to be a shroud over them protecting them from every other pain they may be feeling because I know that this pain is cutting them deeply.
I pray that God will continue to keep us all close to him, especially the parents and siblings of Aaron and Sydni. I hope that God with continue to hold the hands of the chosen family that they have. The brothers and sisters that were truly ride or die with them. I pray that God will help us understand that in all that He does it is marvelous and though we may not understand it and we may be angry and ask God “WHY” I hope that He carries us that extra mile to understanding and at the end of the day, we will continue to praise Him and be thankful for the blessings that we have. I will pray that we all will hold on the God’s unchanging hand and find comfort in Him. God, please show us all that this, too, shall pass and help us to find peace in knowing that Aaron and Sydni are gone but will truly never be forgotten. Giving all praise to the Most Hight for all of His blessings. Amen.