An Unintended Honor

I served and it was never my intention to do so. All I wanted to do was make my mother happy, whatever the cost, and that meant college, being a lawyer or a doctor and not going to jail. Seemed easy enough, right? After all, the pictures of MLK, JFK and Jesus’ Last Supper on my grannie’s wall was a reminder that I could do anything….even the black man in the picture cosigned that and had a dream about it. I was set. In my mind, there was one little problem; how can I continue to hide this secret? I’m mean, I have a crush on my best friend….who is a guy AND white, if I stay in Memphis I could never go to the place where other people that have the same desires that I do go, what if someone sees me and tells my mother? She would lose her ENTIRE mind if she knew that in the darkest, nastiest places in my mind, I thought of marrying my best friend and laying with him in the same way that I would lay with a girl. I couldn’t imagine hurting my momma and if it meant me acting contrary to my feelings….well, let me get this Academy Award, just call me Denzel….For Real.

So….college; there was no way I would or could even think of affording to go to college in any place other than Memphis and that would have been a great struggle for my momma. Could she have pulled it off…..probably, she is pretty fucking amazing….just saying, but there were no “GoFundMe” pages back in the day so my college tuition would be a burden carried on the back of my momma and she was already doubled over from carrying the shit she has for her entire life. When Shannon told me that he was following in the footsteps of his father that he and I both admired and joining the Navy, I thought it was a great idea. I mean, I had already thought about joining the Army because of my granddaddy, but those damn desires were there and if I got found out in the Army, they would kill me…literally. So…..HELL NO! But, Shannon and I could join the Navy together, go to boot camp together and get stationed together. That felt safe to me so I was set and my momma and the entire family LOVED it.

It wasn’t easy for me to get in the Navy. You see, I’m fat. No matter how many times I lose weight, no matter how much weight I lose….I will always be fat. Let’s just put that out there. Shannon and I joined the Delayed Entry Program early in our senior year of high school and it was well understood that I needed to lose weight and there was plenty of time for me to do so. I worked my ass off to try to lose weight and I had done a decent job at it. When we graduated, Shannon and I went to went to visit his brother in Panama City, FL. We had fun…..a little too much fun. When we got home, our recruiter told us that our date to go to boot camp had been moved up. Shannon would leave first and I would go the following week. Well, Shannon left for boot camp, the follow week when I went to get processed to leave, I was told that I did not meet the body fat requirement and could not join the Navy. My world came crashing down.

But, with a LOT of hard work and the help of my momma and God, on August 24, 1992 I joined the United States Navy.

I was deathly afraid that I would still have to keep my true self hidden and since Shannon and I could not go to book camp and get stationed together, I was on my own. I had heard stories of men getting beat up, teased and hazed for being Gay. Not to mention, if the Navy knew that I was Gay, they would kick me out. I served on the aircraft carrier, USS Independence (CV-62) and did a tour of the Gulf. I served on the USS Duluth (LPD-6) and did another tour of the Gulf; then, I was stationed at the Naval Legal Service Office, Naval Station Bremerton. I was fortunate enough to meet men and women from all over this great country of ours and forged lasting connections with some amazing people. I learned that contrary to what anyone in our government says, there were LOTS of gay men and women in the Navy….both officer and enlisted…..and we all served honorably and we did our job. When my straight shipmates would take me out drinking and ultimately ask me if I was Gay, I would trust them with the truth and they understood that we were brothers in the same Navy and we had a mutual respect for each other. Even though I opted to get out of the Navy because of DADT, I don’t regret a single one of the 8 years I served and I would gladly do it again.

Thanks to all of the men and women that have served before me and especially to those who laid down their lives for this country, we all stand on the shoulders of braver souls…..we should all thank God them.

What I gained from my experience in the Navy is something that I don’t think I could have learned in college. I needed structure and balance and the Navy gave that to me. I learned what true Honor, Courage and Commitment means.

I am a United States Navy veteran…..and I’m proud about it, for real.